In case you don’t already know, I go to a high school in the Bronx. Like most high schools here, we have metal detectors that we go through every day. I’ve overheard -and oversaw- some really weird things while waiting in that endless line. Here are my top ten…
10) This one isn’t actually weird, just stupid. A kid walked through with a box of sharpies. Colorful sharpies. The guard swiftly removed them from his hand. I didn’t know we can get in trouble for bringing our art supplies.
9) This one is absurd. We are returning to the building slowly from a fire drill. Some kid in front of me yells to his friend, ‘Yo man! Hold ma weed! I can’t be getting caught again!’ He hands off bags and bags to his friend and remarkably NOBODY SAW!
8) This happened just yesterday. I walk past a boy, who looks incredibly like Jesus Christ, and he is pouring down Ready Whip into his mouth. How did he get past with a METAL CAN of whipped cream?!!
7) The security guards chatted and checked their phones. The boy before me went through. There was clearly a knife in his bag. Very clearly. No one saw. How did no one notice.
6) Phones. Always phones. I don’t get it. Our security sucks big time. We aren’t allowed electronics in the building. But always phones.
5) A game boy advance. Oh my how I miss playing Tetris on those things.
4) Last June a kid came in with a horse mask. Tumblr is leaking.
3) Ice cream. Who brings ice cream to school. Ever.
2) A bong. There was a bong in someone’s back pack. The only person to ever get into real trouble.
1) This is my favorite. A girl with long hair and a pretty pretty purse stands two feet from me. She puts he bag through the scanner. ‘Excuse me do you have a fork in your bag?’ The girl replies, ‘Oh yeh sorry! I forget it was in there.’ I just don’t get that. What could you be doing that ended with you putting a metal fork in your purse?